1.      When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to
see if it’s really dead.
2.      If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was
once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants
who went mad of committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or
had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices in your
house move away immediately.

3.      Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

4.      If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is
other than their own, shoot them immediately.  It will save you a lot
of grief in the long run.  NOTE: It will probably take several rounds
to kill them, so be prepared.

5.      When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.

6.      As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

7.      Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave,
tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

8.      If you’re searching for something which caused a noise and find out
that it’s just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your
life.

9.      If the appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

10.     Do not take anything from the dead.

11.     If you find a town that looks deserted, it’s probably for a
reason.  Take the hint and stay away.

12.     Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you
know what you are doing.

13.     If you’re running from a monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.  Also note
that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely
shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14.     If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as
possible.

15.     Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (God help
you if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small
town in Maine.

16.     If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.

17.     Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns,
hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane
torches, ice picks, soldering iron, hand saws, and any device made
from deceased companions.

18.     Listen to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since
they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.